In the Moment

Depression came upon me around 9:00pm this evening. The entire side of my Mom's family was over for Christmas Eve, I got really tired and then I was sad. Depression isn't convenient. Some of it could be because of the break-up but there are two different kinds of sad. Regular sad that deals directly with situations and then there's depression. Depression is hopeless. It makes me push people away and just want to be alone. Even though the things I desire the very most at those times is for someone to be with me. It's heavy and exhausting. And it's so important to be understanding and supportive of someone when they are in a moment of depression. Watch what you say. Some of my family members were talking about getting more grandkids for my mom and dad and one of my brothers turned to me and said something to the effect of, "Get on that!"
I know he didn't mean anything by it, but it stung and made things a little worse for me.
I know very well that when I'm feeling those feelings is when I need to be around people. I tried for a little while but it was too much and so I retreated into my room and made a couple of hair flowers which usually cheers me up quite nicely...but not tonight. I think it's safe to say that it's important to try not to think of distressing things while you are depressed because that is when lies come the swiftest and pound you while you are down. It's always good to have a sure-fire way to distract yourself. For me it's usually making flowers, which takes concentration and precision and then I will usually turn music on. Tonight, I was listening to Dallin Val Balyes'(sp?) new CD. It was very helpful and my mood lifted, somewhat.
Come January I will be starting a strict curfew for myself. Depression is always worse when I'm tired. And everyone will just have to understand that staying out late is detrimental for me. Including the men. Which I have had problems with before and which more than one misunderstood or didn't take seriously enough. But whatever I was willing to make that sacrifice to have time with them. But I just don't see that happening in the future much if I can help it.