Well, this is where it gets hard. This is where depression gets mean. Two of my other friends broke up today. I went over to be with my best friend and listened as she described in detail how she had tried her hardest and her feelings for her boy just hadn't increased at all. She said she had peace and that she felt okay and happy.
CRUNCH! Take that Erin. While you sit here day after day and suffer with all of these awful emotions of depression and a broken up relationship let's show you exactly what your Ex is going through and how fine he is doing and how well he's going to move on. While you suffer. While you are shown to be the weak one. You can't handle this because you are irrational and broken and weak. He's fine. And you're not. You're not. And you're weak because you can't stop thinking about him and can't control the anger that you feel towards him. And you still wish things had gone differently even though you know it was for the best and that he wasn't as good to you as you deserve. What does that matter? You again gave your all to something and got heartache as a repayment. And yet, you are going to continue giving 100% to everything you can, because that's just the way you work. And everyone deserves your best even if you can't give it to them. And then afterwards when you find that once again people have let you down and become unreliable, you will break all over again. And that is why depression will never go away. And this is life. Your life. Doomed to always give your all and never get it back.
Oh! But it has to change!!! Someone has to give it back because God is merciful and he won't allow me to live like this. Life will hold every happiness and joy for me that it has to offer. I will get happiness. And somehow, I'm going to get through this. And only God knows how. Because I don't. All I can do is have faith that somehow, sometime, this will get better.
Hearing it from me won't dent the pain but when I say in my own mind. 'Kirsten is not unlovable', 'Kirsten is not weak', 'Kirsten is a strong person'.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds really cheesy but I was recently cheated on by a boyfriend and the pain was really hard to bare.
I realized that my entire life collapsed because I had an old false belief return to my sub conscious. When relationships fail in my life I tell me self that I am unloveable, that I hurt people, and that I am better off alone. I decide that I don't deserve good friends and some day a good guy but that is not true.
Good luck hon.