Depression Does Not Define Me

Have you wondered where I have gone? :) I've been doing rather well the last week and a half. Not without some hitches of course, but for the most part, really, really good.

I was talking to a trusted friend of mine last month. We have many friends in common. We both know that several people within this common group of friends struggle with depression. We were discussing things and the point came up that some people allow depression to define them.
Now, you really can't say that I'm being unfair and don't know what I'm talking about. Because yes, I do. I tried to take over the household when I was fourteen years old because my mom couldn't get out of bed. My number one fear for years was getting depression. And now I have depression. My worst fears have been realized. Yet, I do not believe that depression defines me or who I am. And I'm not saying that anyone else is trying to define me as that. I just want to make it clear that though my clearness of mind is blurred at times because of depression and I feel that it rules my life sometimes, it's not all the time.
I know I am a strong person and the more of depression I experience, the more I am convinced that anyone who deals with depression and/or anxiety must be pretty darn strong people. Because it's hard and ruthless at times.
If you struggle with these things I want to talk specifically with you for a moment.
You are strong. Not everyone can put on a poker face like you can that everything is fine, when in fact, you are getting beat to a pulp inside. I think it's important for us to remember that depression and anxiety so often create a vacuum where we pull into ourselves and away from other people. But we have to try not to let that happen. However, it's also important to know that there will be days that we have to go through where we pull away from friends and family, people we love. We are fighters! If we weren't then I don't think we would be here. So many people give in or give up. But not us. We are defined by our character. Adrian Rogers defines "character" like this: "Reputation is what others think about us; character is what God knows about us." Only our Heavenly Father and our Savior knows what a depressed heart goes through. Only they know the wretchedness of the pain, the heaviness, the hopelessness. Only they know what it's like trying to drag yourself out of that. Only they know what it's like to drag yourself out of bed some mornings and hide away the anguish and face another day as if nothing is wrong. They Will Help You. They Will.
There are times when it is so noisy within us that we can't feel them or hear them but they are there nonetheless, ever vigilant by our side. Don't you know that they weep with us? They do, I know they do. They love us so much and they know that this hurts. I know that on several occasions in my life that They would have torn through the veil to be with me had Heavenly Father not promised me that this would be a fair test. They hold back because He made a promise. And we should know better than to entertain thoughts that God the Father does not care about us and thus we are left on our bedroom or bathroom floor sobbing. It's not true. He loves you. With Him you can get through this. It doesn't have to define you.

He knows me. He knows that I will fight whatever comes my way that gets in the way of me returning to His presence. And because I am willing to fight He will grant me rest as I need it. In fact, last week was a rest time for me.

So, if anything defines me let it be in Heavenly Father's sight that I will not give up.
With the Lord on my side, Erin is unconquerable.