Dream

Something incredible happened last week in my therapy session. I left laughing! That's HUGE! I have never been in a laughing mood after leaving a session. It felt really good :)

I want to tell you about a dream I had the other night. Just as a refresher, I have cRaZy dreams that are more often than not disturbing and leave me feeling sort of ill in the mornings. But a couple of nights ago I dreamt that I had gone to a hospital because I wasn't feeling well. I was sitting on the floor against a wall and a doctor was crouching in front of me asking questions and watching me closely. I was hallucinating things which was making it hard for me to focus on him and what he was saying. He was very concerned with my behavior. And admitted me and took me into a non-conventional examination room where there was a psychiatrist and another doctor.

Now, something interesting happened here. I was actually me in this part.

Normally, when I dream, I am always viewing myself from an outside perspective. There have been only two dreams to my recollection that I have actually been inside of myself and both of those instances have been in the last couple of months.

So, as the psychiatrist asked me questions and was watching me very closely, I, all of the sudden, was very tired; to the point where I just put my head down on the arm of the couch I was sitting on and closed my eyes. For the rest of the dream (which consisted of hours and hours passing by) I floated in and out of consciousness. Every time I came to again I felt that sensation when you're heavily drugged; physically heavy and mentally just...heavy. You know, all drugged up. But I wasn't on any drugs. By the end of the dream there were several more doctors in the room, all observing me closely.

At first this might sound like another disturbing dream, but I woke up (for real) feeling quite different. And later in the day I figured out why. It wasn't disturbing because I was safe in that room. And every doctor that was in there was in there for me. I was under professional care.

After a day of pondering this dream its become one of the best dreams I have ever had. I was safe. And despite the fact that there was obviously something very wrong with me and that I was weak and basically helpless, I still had many people who were truly watching over me.

I asked one of my friends what he thought this dream might have meant and he said, "Well, perhaps it symbolizes that you're starting to look at life through your perspective and not how other people might see you."

I really liked that answer, too. Either way that to me, is progress. Progress deep down inside.

And just as a side note, I don't read into every dream like this but this dream was special.