So...some interesting things. I'm still experiencing anxiety. Now, important things to remember when you are experiencing anxiety is to figure out if there is a source. I am at EFY right now which inevitable includes stress. But personally, I don't think I'm stressed about EFY. I mean, let's face it. I've done four summers of this. I'm an old pro. Sooooooo....why the anxiety? THAT is the question.
I do have some other vitamins for anxiety but I don't have a lot. Maybe I'll have someone in my family about bringing me some when I'm back in Utah. I haven't really used those much. I don't even know if they work. I feel like it's more of a placebo effect when it comes to anxiety.
Meh, we'll see.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Worth the Pain
Alrighty, it seems that this "experimental therapy" is working for me. I experienced a bit of anxiety this last week but it's because I ran out of my vitamins and had been off them for several days.
You know, I don't know if depression and anxiety will ever go fully away for me in this life. But Heavenly Father has given many, many miracles to make it manageable. And not even just manageable; I have happiness everyday and joy frequently.
I've been reading up on suffering lately. Because I still have times of suffering now and again. In all honesty, I don't think it's fair all the time..okay, I don't think it's fair most of the time. But so what? Depression isn't fair. And lots of times situations in life aren't fair either. But that shouldn't make a difference in how I view the life I have been given. I feel like it's so important to continually express gratitude because, gratitude keeps me humble and being humble helps me to "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord", just like the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon. Think about their situation. They changed their entire lives, left their homes and probably most of their possessions and comforts to be able to live the truth of Jesus Christ that they had embraced. And what happened afterward? They were found and enslaved and burdened. And when they cried to our Lord (for their Lord is our Lord) they were told if they prayed aloud again they would be killed.
And what did they do? They didn't stop. They didn't give up. They prayed in their hearts.
...do you know how many prayers I have said in my heart?
And what about Joseph Smith? Our prophet of the restoration? In his account of the first vision he talks about praying and then being overtaken by Satan to the point of physically not being able to speak. Did he give up? Nope. He prayed harder. And he was delivered.
So, my life isn't threatened. And I'm not being overtaken by Satan to the point of physical incapacitation. I'm just a girl suffering through depression. But does that mean that my cries to the Savior have less clout than the people of Alma or of Joseph? Of course not. Because neither Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ upbraid. They are no respecters of persons, they don't chose to hear one person's prayer and not an other's. Every prayer from every person regardless of religion, ethnicity, or background is heard. Every child on earth is Heavenly Father's child. He loves us all. He hears us all.
Even I need reminders of that sometimes. Like right now. My suffering isn't over. And I like what our EFY session director said this last week, "God does not take joy in our suffering. But he does take joy in our growth."
Man, I'm not going to lie. It's hard. It's hard knowing that I'm not finished with the things I'm going through yet. Of course I want to be done! And...dare I tell you? It's even gotten hard to the point of me not even wanting to go through it for someone else. I mean, going through this so that sometime I'll be able to help someone else. I'm tempted to say, whoever they are, they're not worth this. But that's a big, fat, devilish lie (to use a phrase Sheri Dew has used). If Heavenly Father asked me to go through this for the worst person on the planet...I'd do it. Of course, he would have to ask me ;) I'm not perfect.
But "...the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your aRedeemer suffered bdeath in the flesh; wherefore he csuffered the dpain of all men, that all men might repent and ecome unto him." (italics added)
I have to remember the bigger picture. Because the small one that you and I tend to live in doesn't cut it when I'm trying to understand why something is worth the pain to go through.
-sigh- I hope Tuesday comes fast...I want to go to the temple.
"When you are troubled...you may take your cares to the temple. There you can receive spiritual guidance.
Sometimes you may feel that you cannot think clearly because your mind is so burdened with problems and the many things clamoring for attention. In the temple, the dust of these distractions can settle, the fog and haze can lift, and you can understand things that you have not understood before. You can find new ways to deal with the challenges you face."
God bless you my dear friends.
Until next time :)
Erin
References used (in order)
-Mosiah 24:8-15
-Joseph Smith History 1:15-17
-Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-11
-True to the Faith - Temples, Blessings from attending
You know, I don't know if depression and anxiety will ever go fully away for me in this life. But Heavenly Father has given many, many miracles to make it manageable. And not even just manageable; I have happiness everyday and joy frequently.
I've been reading up on suffering lately. Because I still have times of suffering now and again. In all honesty, I don't think it's fair all the time..okay, I don't think it's fair most of the time. But so what? Depression isn't fair. And lots of times situations in life aren't fair either. But that shouldn't make a difference in how I view the life I have been given. I feel like it's so important to continually express gratitude because, gratitude keeps me humble and being humble helps me to "submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord", just like the people of Alma in the Book of Mormon. Think about their situation. They changed their entire lives, left their homes and probably most of their possessions and comforts to be able to live the truth of Jesus Christ that they had embraced. And what happened afterward? They were found and enslaved and burdened. And when they cried to our Lord (for their Lord is our Lord) they were told if they prayed aloud again they would be killed.
And what did they do? They didn't stop. They didn't give up. They prayed in their hearts.
...do you know how many prayers I have said in my heart?
And what about Joseph Smith? Our prophet of the restoration? In his account of the first vision he talks about praying and then being overtaken by Satan to the point of physically not being able to speak. Did he give up? Nope. He prayed harder. And he was delivered.
So, my life isn't threatened. And I'm not being overtaken by Satan to the point of physical incapacitation. I'm just a girl suffering through depression. But does that mean that my cries to the Savior have less clout than the people of Alma or of Joseph? Of course not. Because neither Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ upbraid. They are no respecters of persons, they don't chose to hear one person's prayer and not an other's. Every prayer from every person regardless of religion, ethnicity, or background is heard. Every child on earth is Heavenly Father's child. He loves us all. He hears us all.
Even I need reminders of that sometimes. Like right now. My suffering isn't over. And I like what our EFY session director said this last week, "God does not take joy in our suffering. But he does take joy in our growth."
Man, I'm not going to lie. It's hard. It's hard knowing that I'm not finished with the things I'm going through yet. Of course I want to be done! And...dare I tell you? It's even gotten hard to the point of me not even wanting to go through it for someone else. I mean, going through this so that sometime I'll be able to help someone else. I'm tempted to say, whoever they are, they're not worth this. But that's a big, fat, devilish lie (to use a phrase Sheri Dew has used). If Heavenly Father asked me to go through this for the worst person on the planet...I'd do it. Of course, he would have to ask me ;) I'm not perfect.
But "...the worth of souls is great in the sight of God; For, behold, the Lord your aRedeemer suffered bdeath in the flesh; wherefore he csuffered the dpain of all men, that all men might repent and ecome unto him." (italics added)
I have to remember the bigger picture. Because the small one that you and I tend to live in doesn't cut it when I'm trying to understand why something is worth the pain to go through.
-sigh- I hope Tuesday comes fast...I want to go to the temple.
"When you are troubled...you may take your cares to the temple. There you can receive spiritual guidance.
Sometimes you may feel that you cannot think clearly because your mind is so burdened with problems and the many things clamoring for attention. In the temple, the dust of these distractions can settle, the fog and haze can lift, and you can understand things that you have not understood before. You can find new ways to deal with the challenges you face."
God bless you my dear friends.
Until next time :)
Erin
References used (in order)
-Mosiah 24:8-15
-Joseph Smith History 1:15-17
-Doctrine and Covenants 18:10-11
-True to the Faith - Temples, Blessings from attending
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