The Powers

Hey there :)

So, of course I have felt the power of the Atonement as I've struggled through depression and anxiety but over the course of this week certain things solidified about the how.

Our session director, Bro. Andre, has been a great teacher this week on the Savior and Heavenly Father. And as I was sitting in one of our meetings last night and was thinking about everything and wanting to understand more for myself HOW the Atonement had been present certain powers concerning it came to me:

The first two go together.
The power of healing: This one might be kind of obvious to everyone but unfortunately I don't think most people really understand the sort of pain and anguish that accompany depression. It ravages you. It tears you apart. And it feels like that too, it feels like your heart is tearing apart. It's real pain. I remember once during a really bad bout groaning, "Ouch. How can it be actually hurting like this? How can a heart actually feel this kind of pain? Where does it come from? How can something emotional hurt so bad in a physical way??"
Friends, that kind of pain leaves scars.

The power of binding back together/repairing: Broken and Damaged are two things I felt defined me for a long time. I would become aware of the acute pain inside of me or the effects of depression the day after a really hard night and cry inside because I literally felt broken. And because I couldn't control my thoughts at the time I felt damaged; my brain didn't work like other people's brains that seemed to work correctly. But it went deeper than that, it wasn't just my brain, it was me. I was damaged. I was a damaged, broken soul.
But, I don't feel broken any more thanks to Heavenly Father providing me ways to understand what is happening inside of my body. Yet, the most important part of this is that, no amount of medication or therapy or self-help could have made me who I am today. My condition (which is miraculous) is due only to the Atonement. It and it alone has the power to heal those deep-seated wounds. And he heals us without a scar.

The power of strengthening: I've been through physical therapy two or three times for different things and I'm experiencing the same kind of things with my emotional healing as I did with my physical healing way back when. It's taking time. When I was healing physically from blowing out my shoulder and hip from dancing I had days where my body was stiffer and there were (and still are actually) times when I'll move the wrong way and tweak those old injuries and it will hurt for a second. Same thing with depression. There are some days where I feel "stiffer", sadder, etc...sometimes I'll experience memories that trigger previous bad moments and it will hurt for a little while. But slowly, just like physical therapy, I feel like I'm getting stronger. It's sort of imperceptible for the most part. I recognize it more as I compare how I am now from how I was six months ago.

The power of endurance: My struggles aren't over. But whenever I ask for it, the Lord tells me that everything is alright and that I'm still alright and that I will make it through this. Sometimes, I'm not going to lie, my endurance consists of dragging my feet one in front of the other while other times I do quite splendidly.

These are just four ways that I've recognized the HOW of the Atonement in my last nine or ten months. There are many more. Forgiveness, hope, selflessness, charity and on and on and on.