Well, my dear ones, I think I'm going to stop writing on this blog and I'll tell you why. I feel like keeping this blog separate was necessary for the last year or so but I'm starting to feel like I need to merge the things I write on here with my regular blog. I think the time has come for me to say, "Okay, it really is a part of me" (not that I ever thought it wasn't) geez, I'm not articulating this very well.

I feel that if I were to keep this stuff separate from here on out that I would be keeping myself cut in two. I want to feel whole and when I think about discontinuing this "specialty blog" it feels right.

Of course, I won't stop advocating for better awareness concerning depression and anxiety. I'll never give up trying to help people understand but it's just time to pull everything back into one thing.

Is any of this making sense? It's not really that big of a deal. I'll just be including EVERYTHING in my other blog. If you aren't following my other blog, I would recommend doing so because all of my applications and thoughts and feelings specifically about D/A will be there now.

So, this isn't goodbye. It's just I'll see you over there :)

I was in my institute class today and depression was brought up as something that is a big struggle for young adults. One kid raised his hand and said in effect, "It's there whether it's real or not. I personally think it's not real most of the time..."

Wow, guys I was so close, SO CLOSE to raising my hand and say something to the effect of, "Hey, how about you stop talking about what you don't know about?"

Now, rationally I know what he was trying to say. There are lots of moments in our lives where we feel depressed but don't suffer from depression (by it's definition, a depressed mood that lasts longer than a three or four weeks). The topic was discussed throughout the rest of the class and I really wanted to just get up and do some educating. For me, it was discussed with a little less sensitivity than I felt appropriate. To the point that I might go talk to him about it. It really bothered me.

This is exactly the reason why I started this blog; to educate people on what it's really like to have depression from a personal stand-point. And to help people understand how to talk about it, how to address it.

Class was not easy for me today. I felt misunderstood or under-understood, if that makes sense? People understand depression in a general sort of way. Geez. I'm just bugged. I know, I think I'm taking it too personal but it's not just for me. It's for anyone who suffers from depression and is surrounded by people who don't take enough care concerning it.

Anyway...more later when I'm not so close to the situation..

My Peace I Give

Do you know what I started thinking about last night? I just want peace about one something, one way or the other. Just peace. Then I started thinking, well, Christ said that he would give me peace,

            “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:27).”

The footnotes include words like Peace of God and contentment. There’s obviously a difference between the peace from the world and the peace from Christ. The world’s peace is all external, it means nothing “bad” is happening around you, no fighting, no trouble, and no challenges; while the peace of Christ is internal.

It means that no matter what is happening on the outside you still have the peace of God, the contentment, the knowledge that He is the Almighty and we are in His hands and though the winds and waves rage about us we still can’t fall.

It's knowing that he holds your heart together through every heart break.

He leads you across every darkened pathway.

He stands in front of you, facing you, holding out his hands, his peace is knowing you can put your hands in his and that you are safe.

Hey all,

Doing much better from yesterday :)

Temporary

Had a hard night last night.

But on a whole things have been going remarkably well the last several weeks :)

But speaking of last night just to clear it away from me...it was as bad as me having to identify lies again. I can look back on the past several months and see how far I've come personally. I'm opening up again, becoming the social person I used to be. But after last night I'm fighting the desire to shut down again. Shut people out. Shut up inside. And pretend that I'm doing better than I actually am. I don't feel like seeing anyone or being around anyone. I feel like going back to bed; but at the same time that's a scary thought. What will be fixed by going back to bed? Nothing. Nothing at all. I would just lay there and sleep and then wake up and cry and then roll over and go back to sleep and that's all that would happen. Nothing more.

Man, I feel sick inside.
And do you want to know the worst part about it? I don't feel like I have anyone to go to. I don't have anyone who I feel really cares. Does that lie sound familiar? I know I've written that one down before.

On a lighter note, do you know what I know is true? I know that this won't last too long. It might even be gone by tomorrow. It's just temporary. It will get better soon and I'll be feeling better soon, too.